


Package Deal

by Shamandalie



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Kittens, M/M, Philipp is done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 01:55:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3832684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shamandalie/pseuds/Shamandalie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'I may have accidentally sort of adopted five cats.' (ridiculous sentence tumblr prompt fill)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Package Deal

Philipp presses his fingers to his temples, trying really hard to remain calm and not to start yelling. Or pulling hair from his head. Or from Bastian's head.

Oh, yeah, Bastian. Standing in front of him, doing his best puppy eyes. This man is fucking ridiculous, and his - so called - brilliant ideas will someday put Philipp to early grave.

Philipp takes a deep breath.

'Explain.'

Bastian swallows thickly.

'Uhmm...'

Philipp waits. Still not yelling, which is quite an achievement, really.

'I may have accidentally sort of adopted five cats,' Bastian says quickly, not meeting Philipp's eyes.

Older man raises his eyebrows, ironically looking around the mess their living room is, and holding his gaze on pile of colorful fur, currently laying and meowing in five high pitched voices on their couch.

'You don't say?'

'Don't be angry. I thought we could use some company'

Philipp tries to suppress annoyed huff.

'Company,' he repeats.

Bastian nods enthusiastically and smiles fondly while looking at little black kitten licking it's intimate parts. Philipp's gonna have a massive headache.

'Can we keep them?' asks Basti, voice full of hope.

'Absolutely fucking not, Bastian.'

Younger man's expression saddens at that, and Philipp doesn't like it when he's sad, but what the hell was the man expecting? That he'll start jumping around in happiness and will end on the couch next to the kittens, cooing and talking in baby voice? What a ridiculous idea. Completely Bastian like.

'You're really angry,' Bastian says, taken aback and sad.

'Oh my god, Bastian! You can't just adopt five cats without telling me and expect me to be happy about it! Those are animals! Living animals! You must take responsibility for them, you must take care of them!'

Bastian dismisses him with a wave of a hand, and Philipp will hit him someday.

'I know, I know, alright? I'll take care of them'

He's dead serious, Philipp notices. Man who doesn't know how to do his own laundry and would probably burn water if asked to cook, thinks that he's able to raise five living animals on his own. Philipp doesn't know if he should laugh or cry.

'Bastian. You have five minutes to collect the kittens and return them to the place you took them from. End of discussion.'

Bastian narrows his eyes. He has this expression on, the one he has before every important match, saying ' _I'm not going to lose._ '

'Don't make me do this, Lahm.'

He tries to look intimidating, and maybe it'd work if it was someone else than Philipp. But Philipp saw him playing with his Bayern ducks in the bathtub, giving each one a different voice, and mimicking vigorously while the toys were talking. And someone like this just can't intimidate Philipp, sorry not sorry. He crosses his arms and raises one eyebrow.

'Or what?'

'Luna, Edmund, Kira, Naomi, Patrick and me are a package deal. You throw them out, you throw _me_ out.'

And that's when Philipp cracks. Loud squeak escapes his lips as he collapses onto the floor, his whole body shaking with laughter.

'I can't fucking believe this, oh my god'

The tears are flowing from his eyes and he can't breathe. Bastian stands over him, frowning, but his lips are curling upward and he can't help it.

'What's so funny, Lahm?'

'Your fucking names, my god, I'm going to suffocate -'

Bastian's smile dies on his lips.

'Fuck off, those are good names.'

He makes a big show of turning on his heels and going to sit on the couch. He shots one deadly glare into, still giggling, Philipp's direction and then takes two of the kittens into his arms, cooing.

'Papa Fips is being an asshole,' he says to them.

They sit like that for few minutes, Philipp trying to calm himself down and Bastian talking to cats. Then Philipp stands up, and sits on the couch next to Bastian. Fluffy, red kitten with blue eyes shots him a curious look, and Philipp pets him delicately. Kitten meows loudly, clearly delighted.

'Okay,' says older man with a sigh.

'Okay what?'

'They can stay.'

Bastian smiles widely and then crashes their mouths together, wrapping his arms around other man's tiny body. Philipp melts into the kiss instantly, pulling his boyfriend closer. The moment is broken, though, when kitten trapped between their bellies let's out an angry meow and sinks it's claws into Philipp's stomach. The man pulls away, screaming 'au', and falls off the couch. Bastian starts laughing and Philipp rolls onto his stomach, hiding his face in the carpet. _Why always m_ _e_ , he thinks, and mentally high fives Mario Balotelli. Bastian cooes at the cat, again.

'You are dangerous lil kitty, aren't ya? Yes you are, yes you are, Patrick. My dangerous lil kitty, Dada loves you.'

Philipp just groans.

**Author's Note:**

> Bayern winning 25th Meisterschale deserves some celebration, so here it is!  
> Can you believe I actually managed to write something without angst? Wow.  
> Unbeta'ed, all mistakes are mine, let me know etc  
> I like comments and kudos! xx


End file.
